I haven't blogged in over a year and half. I thought about it often, but never saw through it. Then again, I seem to blog more when my emotions are on an extreme down low, like it is now. I am twenty-five years old, yet never been in a relationship, never held a lover's hand, kissed him, never been consumed by passion, never knew what it is to love someone who loves you back just the same, if not more. But I yearn, I yearn so much! No matter what people say about me, no matter how much I think I don't need someone, deep inside my heart yearns for him so much. Yes, my parents are worried about me, so are my cousins, my sister, my friends, and so on and so forth. They advice, criticize, explain, hope, suggest so many things I should do to rectify my current status. But, how do I communicate what lies in my heart when I myself don't understand it? What should I answer when they ask me what's wrong? Why is it that no one, I mean no one I like reciprocates positively? Why am I stuck in this vicious cycle? Everyone is moving on with their lives, getting engaged, married, having babies. While, I am here still in school, financially dependent on my parents, and no one to share my loneliness with. I really do pity myself at times, because underneath all these layers of what people know or see me as, I am just so sad on the inside. It's so hard to be hopeful for things when no matter how much you want it or pray for it, or move towards it, it evades you repeatedly. Yes, god may have someone in store for me, perhaps things might change, but it's so hard to deal with it and my parents frustration every single day. I hate that I am the reason for their worries, I hate that my relationship with them is wearing thin and all I can think of is escaping somewhere far far away where no one knows my name, and I am allowed to be me, I am allowed to be free.
