I am wondering...

Did I really have a change of heart? Have all those negative feelings dissolved or are they suppressed? If so, why? Have I just given up? Because it is never going to change, cannot comprehend the need to do so. Should I just accept it because we all ARE different? Am I trying defend it from others through my philosphy which does not make sense? But just suits me because its available and I am lonely. Am I betraying a friends trust? Not outright but all the more in a subtle way?Am I being two faced? I dont want to be.

I am glad it did not happen, it gave me shivers to listen to it albeit jokingly. I am glad it did not occur. I truly am.

Rambling

These past few days have been a whirlwind of conflicts, silly and serious, and also a myriad of alternating emotions for me. There is underlying sense of peace and calm, topped with irritation and mood swings on the outside. I dont know why.

Am I really serious about this person, or is it just a passing interest since it has been a long time someone has caught my interest in this particular manner? I dont know.

Weight has been an issue for a long time. Will it go away? Does it truly matter ? dont know.

But inspite of all this, the Lord is always there watching over me every step of the way. Guiding me, being the very light and hope in my life. He will always be there. even through my doubts and beyond. This I know.

Thank you Father. =)