I HATE IT!!!!

I can't stand it! It annoys me to hell and beyond! I can't stand people around me being nice to it! I abhor it! My feeling of dislike and aggravation knows no bounds where it matters. They are a raging storm in me, and I can't control it. Even more than it, is the once upon a time compassionate response and agreeableness for my feelings from others have molded into calmness and acceptance for it. Really???

Mayhap, my diginity in this matter stoops too low, but I cannot EVER be okay with it, ever.......................

Time Flies.............

I am embarking on yet another year in my life. It is hard to fathom that I have been here this long on earth, I sure dont feel like it. =) I hope this year brings me and my loved ones blessings galore. I sure do need any I can get.

Since I happen to be a person who lives in the past, it is that much more harder for me to embrace my present. I hope I can learn to accustom myself better to this present phase in my life. As these are the days where I pile on the builing blocks of my future. A lot of decisions and their outcomes pave the way of my path, I hope I maneuver through them dilligently with positive results. I leave the rest to the Lord above.

I hope I become wiser as I grow older, live my life better, and be a better person everyday.

I am truly blessed in every way to have everything I have in my life. I may loose focus of such things, but times like these insinuate the presence of all the good people and things in my life. So thank you everyone, for all that you are to me. =)

Father in Heaven, have mercy on me and make me worthy of thy love and blessings all the days of my life. Amen










P.S: The number of this post and my age happens to be the same number. A funny co-incidence mhhhhhm? =)

Anxious, Scared and Uncertain.............

Life at this moment is hanging on a piece of thread, which may snap at any given time. I am so scared and doubtful as to what the future may hold for me. I thought I tried my best. It is the last stone I need to hurdle over to finish my journey, but I feel like it is turning into a mountain, dissuading my path. I am so scared, father. I am dying a little inside moment by moment. I should have tried harder, given a little more, thought about the long term. But reminiscing about what I should have done, is useless now.

So father, I now ask you from the bottom of my heart, show me right way, lead me in your path, help me overcome this mountain, for once give me the strength to believe in myself so I may reach the end of my journey.

I am tired of the lies and the crooked ways, I dont want to step in their vicinity again. I may have to for I am weak and I cannot stand judgement. I can't bear myself to anyone but you father.

Help me father, make me worthy of you.....I am suffocating inside, I need your blessings to breath and survive, help me father, and guide me the right way..................please have mercy on your servant

Amen.

The stirrings of the Heart ~ ♥♥♥

Isn't it so warm and beautiful, that little knowing smile, the way the eyes shine, the way laughter pulls the sides of ones lips, the feeling it emits and surrounds, embasking everything around it? Ahh Love! will I be fortunate enough to find you one day? I pray so ................







P.S: Things were rolling out of control, but I knew God had my back, and so I am fine. =D

Are you serious?????

what a way to twist things around.....

With the event that passed, the subjugation's and the implications of it have somehow been misguided from the victim to the villain who insinuated the verbal combat. I mean seriously?????

So the victim not only has to suffer the downgrading, bone-piercing humiliation, but shoulder the blame of being a loudmouth? All for just wanting to unburden themselves? What about the villain's grand nerve and thoughtlessness? Which may I say, had quite an audience to witness its encore. Oh, that is of no consequence is it now? After all, you gotta blame the loudmouth.

Marking of a future endeavor.....perhaps?

Attention in Subtlety




On a different note, it has been a year and month since I started my blog. yay! =)

Reminiscing and then some....

Yeserday, I was reminiscing an episode from last summer. One of my aunts' made an apt observation about me, saying that I am insistent on wanting things a certain way and wont budge come hook or crook, for the lack of a better metaphor, but when I do attain it after the lengthy trial of perseverance, I am no longer interested. All I can say, she made quite a point which by all means is true. This is exactly what unsettles me too. I hope the pillars of my thoughts and boundaries do not face the same fate... if so life would be a pain and a disappointing screen of illusion.

On an another note, I need to stop trying to force my ethics and views on people. The urge is strong, but I cannot live people's lives for them as much as I would want to and am concerned, and that is that.

Hurt and Pissed off.....

I know I tend to blog more when my emotions are at a down low. Its just that these things have no voice to others ears. I dislike being vulnerable and will be damned if I show others this side of me. Hence this anonymous blog.

They couldn't have even bothered to ask me? Really? Out of all the people they had to ask to come along it had to be .... I agree they are not liable to ask me every time, but I feel so hurt and it bruises my pride even more.I thought I had a closer relationship with them, or was it just my presumption? There may be a viable reasoning to all this, but at this point I am just overwhelmingly distressed.

A friend, oldest and dearest in so many ways, can never bother or much less show any interest in having any sort of communication with me. I act as if I could care less, but it still hurts.

I thought I found someone to finally unburden myself to in so many ways, but ...... seems to be something other than who I perceived to be, not necessarily in a bad way, but in way I know the relationship can never be as profound as what I would have liked it be.

There are very very few people who would just listen to you in the trust you expect. It proves to be true more of lately.

I miss you so much, I was lucky in every sense of the word to have you in my life. You understand, that is more than I can ever ask for. Thank you.

I had a niggling feeling....

This was eventually bound to happen, yet it was not at all expected. I may not be a personal protege in these happenings, but I have honed the skills to detect its presence. It could have been said better, and dealt accordingly had it been allowed to.

I may seem odd for many of my reasonings, but they are never without careful contemplation from the deep recesses of my mind. Some may choose to go down the path willingly and are pleased with the experience they garner, I on the other hand am a firm believer of staying away from these circles of chaos at all costs.

It is disappointing to say the least.

A fine spring day, I wasted sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself, ended on an even sadder note. I hope there is a way to rectify this.

My heart feels heavy.............

I am feeling more than just a bit down. I have been sulking on the inside since last evening, and am quite clueless as to why I feel this emotional depression all of a sudden. I had a good cry too; haven't done that in a long time. I am supposing things just added up and weighed in. For the sake of my sanity and future, I really need to get my perspectives in order too.

I hate growing up, my mind refuses to do. It is really hard for me to deal with situations lately, many of which have snowballed. I cannot for the better of me, use better reasoning and thoughts to monitor my actions. I keep falling deeper into the abyss of my self-made debacles.

I'm feeling nostalgic......

I am someone who is vastly disappointed when the things that I perceive to be are not what they seem. Once I have a certain illusion about something or hope it to be a certain way, and when it does not follow through, the feeling of poignancy is immense.


These channels of thought always follow the same route, and end at a similar point. Often in the opposite direction of what I will it to be. I dislike it, and very much so. I feel bereft of the insouciance I expect. I am cloaked in wistfulness and yearning.

Notes to Self

This is going to be an open post, as I'll be adding on constantly.

1. Life is the same yet different for all of us. Learn to live yours better and try to understand someone else's even better. This in turn will teach you more about life itself.

2. Be a loyal friend. Listen with your heart and mind open. It is one of the most selfless and rare gestures you can ever offer to someone.

3. Try to know yourself through every experience you face in life, learn from others and your mistakes.

4. Never undermine yourself in any manner, though occasions may rise up when you do just that, instead cultivate the ability to move and rise beyond that.

5. Try to do one good thing a day, no matter how small the gesture.

6. Always thank god for everything he has given you, even if you want more or are unhappy with what you have. Someone else may not even have 1/3 of the good things you are blessed with in life.

7. Do not be cruel to your parents. No matter what strive to be a good daughter or son. They may realize it one day, even if they don't today.

8. Do not consider anyone to be beneath you, treat others with respect. In the end, what goes around comes around.

9. Be proud of your heritage. It is privilege and a gift. Sow it, reap it, and spread it.

10. Always try to think positively, and share it with someone who is feeling down. Root for them, and pray for them.

11. Think before you act; most of the time.